Iowa Here I Come!

I caught the bouquet at my friend's wedding this past weekend, y'all! Well, snatched it, whatever, same difference. It's mine. Mine, mine, mine!

There were really only 4 single ladies at this event, and I had to be the singlest of them all. It also didn't hurt that the bride's bouquet was a huge bunch of heavy calla lilies. So, according to the laws of physics, that thing wasn't going far ... and neither was I.

I've seen too many wedding blooper videos were crazy ass women throw themselves all over the place for a bunch of flowers. Uh-uh, not this chick. If it comes my way, I'll grab it. But, if it goes in another direction, bitches can have it. Momma didn't raise no fool. Last thing I want is to be remembered as that girl who tore her pantyhose, and broke an ankle for a chance at being the next to marry. Who the hell is gonna marry that chick? That type of act has desperation written all over it.

Any who, I was basically right behind the bride, and when she tossed the bouquet, I just stuck my hand out and grabbed it. It was a very slow-mo "Trinity from The Matrix" move. I looked at another girl who tried to grab it too, and she gave me this look like, "Oh no this NYC bitch didn't!" Oh yes I did, and aren't my new flowers pretty? Step-off you country bumpkin, I need to go to the nearest travel agent and book a flight to Iowa.

On another note, I went to the wedding with JohnPaul. We borrowed my dad's minivan, and JP did the driving. I must say, JP is a very good driver. You go JP! I felt safe the entire time. Well, except when you almost mowed down everyone on the NJ Turnpike just so you could get to the nearest service center for a Cinnabon.