Smells Fishy

A new cream has been created, and is now available over-the-counter, that skillfully removes and prevents Male Genital Odor (MGO).

I can appreciate the concept, really I can. But, there is a reason we have a sense of smell ... it's for protection. If things smell nice, yay, we gravitate toward it. If things smell bad, we stay the hell away, because it might hurt us. If your naughty bits smell horrendous, you don't need a odor removing cream, you need to get your ass to the doctor and get your pinga examined. Don't trick me with penis-perfume. That isn't right.

And, the same thing goes for the ladies, fellas. Despite what you've heard, Va-Jay-Jay is not supposed to smell like fish. If it does, tell your lady-friend to make a trip to the gyno. I'm not saying that there's a disease a-brewin', but it's work a check up.

Fragrances designed for the genital area are unnatural. No ones Whoo-Haa smells like roses. But, if you're a friend of a terrific invention called soap, all should be well.

Enough Already!

I am so through with has-been models claiming that they were the first supermodel!

Now, Janice Dickinson (t0 the left) has always claimed she was the first, and I'm not going to dispute that because bitch is crazy, and I'm not trying to get on her bad side. But, I must dispute Carol Alt's claim.

I was watching The Celebrity Apprentice which premiered earlier this week, and Ms. Alt was introduced as the first supermodel. Um, no. Please stop.

Yes, you're beautiful. Yes, you were a big hit in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Yes, you're a health guru promoting the raw food movement, and all that jazz. But, that does not a supermodel make.

Carol, you must meet one (or more) of the following criteria to be considered a supermodel: 1. You slept with half the men in Hollywood, and weren't sure which one fathered your child (and mentioned it in your no-holds-barred tell-all book), 2. You were consistently cast in all George Michael videos in the 1990s, 3. You've been arrested for pelting your cellphone at your assistant, 4. Have a perfectly placed facial mole.

Which leads me to the question, why is Niki Taylor hosting a show on becoming a supermodel? She was on the cover of Seventeen millions of times and was a CoverGirl ... I don't recall Armani, Jean Paul Gautier or Versace begging her to model on their runways. I'm confused.

Happy 2008!

Pammy, do you really expect me to believe that Chanel created the atrocity that you're wearing? Because it looks like you just glued that "Chanel" patch onto a large tank top. I've seen better counterfeit patch work on bootleg bags being sold on CoCo Canal Street. And from the look on your face, I don't think you like the outfit either.

Oh, and it's been over a decade, we all know you have big ta-tas. The gimmick is getting old (as are you), so please do us all a favor and cover those bitches up.

Happy new year everyone! Wishing you a safe, happy and healthy year!

Now, I have lots to write about (JohnPaul was here for almost 2 weeks, so you can imagine the debauchery that occurred), but I want to discuss it with my therapist before I expose it all to you guys. Stay tuned!