Please Stop

Please stop making overalls for adults. There is no reason why a grown ass person should be wearing that type of contraption. If you are a woman, the make you look pregnant. If you are a man, they make you look like Farmer Joe.

If you are not a farmer, there is no good reason for you to be parading around town in an outfit that is primarily rocked by toddlers.

Accept for you Sissy ... you look hot.

Crushes of the Moment

Jonas Armstrong

My crushes of the moment are two-fold. For one, I am now completely obsessed with BBC America and their Robin Hood series. At first I thought the guy who played Robin was unattractive and scrawny (Jonas Armstrong ). But, he has grown on me. I guess all that stealing from the rich/give to the poor crap does something for the ladies, 'cause it's working on me.

Next we have the fine specimen known as Kyle Schmid. He plays Henry the vampire on Lifetime's Blood Ties. He is hot. However, the last name "Schmid" is not. Honey, I'm not one for denying your culture and changing your last name, but if you're an actor and require something memorable ... Schmid ... hell, nevermind, it's memorable.

Kyle Schmid

Like White People Need Another Reason To Have A Party

Have any of you heard about the new fad? They are called Purity Balls, and they are basically gatherings where daughters pledge to their fathers that they will remain virgins until marriage.

So, in a nutshell, fathers are spending a lot of money for their daughters to dress-up, have a nice meal, and lie to them in front of witnesses.

Of course some daughters will actually honor their pledges. And those daughters are ugly ... just kidding! I'm not saying they are all lying whores. What I am saying is that when you're 12 years old, you don't know what the hell you're gonna want to do when you are 17 and confronted with Todd the captain of the football team.

A silly pledge that you read to your dad at the age of 12 is not going to matter when you have to opportunity to play "5 mintues in the closet" at your friend's house. I'm just sayin'.

Having a ball (no pun intended), in an attempt to keep your daughter pure seems a little extravagant. I know a cheaper way ... show her a picture of a vagina/penis infected with an STD. Betcha she'll be running in the other direction next time the boy next door wants to play Hide the Salami.

And what about having their sons make a pledge of purity? Last time I checked girls don't get pregnant by themselves! Why do girls have to take on the responsibility of keeping their goods on lockdown? Not fair! Not fair, I say!

There's Always One

Yesterday was my father's surprise 60th birthday party, and it was fantastic! I cried, my sisters cried, then we stopped .... and then we cried some more. In any case, I bring the party up to discuss something about family gatherings - Why does there always seem to be one male family member/close friend of the family that lingers a little too long when you kiss/hug them "hello"? F@#KING LET GO OF ME! And, stop peering at me with your beady little eyes. Ick.

For those of you who attended the party, I will keep the man in question nameless, but y'all know who he is. If you don't, call me and I will tell you. Ugh, I felt so violated and exposed.

On another note, I realize that I'm not dating any one and I have no children, but that doesn't mean the only conversation I am capable of having is about college. I've been out of graduate school and working for almost 3 years, and still the only question I get asked at family functions is, "So, you done with school?" Yes, yes, yes! I've been out of school for three friggin' years! I told you that at the last family function!

Of course my favorite is, "No boyfriend yet?" No! No, there is no boyfriend yet! And, if you know where the hell he is, tell him I'm looking for him and that he's got a lot of explaining to do. What the hell, do I have to have some form of appendage (ie: boyfriend, child, etc.) to be worthy of a decent conversation? I can speak people! Especially about make-up, America's Next Top Model, and HBO Rome. My God, I think I just realized why I'm single. I need someone to take me to Home Depot ASAP so I can learn about power saws and shit like that.

Balance Your Aura

JohnPaul sent me an email the other day about Aura Sprays. Of course he said he wanted them.

Basically, they are supposed to balance your aura.

Okay, so not only do I need to worry about balancing my checkbook, I need to also worry about balancing a whole mess of air around me that no one can see? Here just take my wallet, will you?

How many friggin' sprays are there? And, instead of spraying them on my aura, I would take them to work and spray them around people with attitudes, like they smell. Like, "Oh, you are moody today aren't you? Hold on one minute (take out an aura spray) [squirt, squirt] There you go. Now get your nasty ass aura away from my balanced one biatch."

Crushes of the Moment

This might sound surprising, but Tom Cruise is one of my crushes of the moment.

I know, I know, you're shocked. But, I was watching Mission Impossible 2, and you must admit that Tommy was HOT. And his Hollywood Tan didn't hurt him neither. So what if my dog is taller than him when she stands on her hind legs. Hey, JohnnPaul, remember when we saw MI2 in the movie theater? I helped you understand the plot, and you helped me figure out when someone was wearing a mask ... I'm simple sometimes. I miss you.

Now, moving on to the other crushes: The mens from the new movie "300." Gerard Butler and Rodrigo Santoro (ugh, even his name is hot).

Can someone tell me how Gerard Butler never, ever looks like the characters he plays in the movies. Did y'all even know he was the Phantom of the Opera? No! Because his real-life pics look nothing like the Phantom! It's crazy. Google it, I swear you'll be amazed.

As for Rodrigo, he is just plain caliente. A tad skinny, but I'll deal with it. I get giddy because you know he's foreign and would probably say my name with the cutest accent. And, I'm not talking "Honduran Ex-Boyfriend" accent. I'm talking about an accent I actually want to hear!