Twig and Berries

Am I the only one who watches Rome on HBO? This show is CRAZY!

I'm no prude, but my goodness, this show is so debaucherous that even I blush.

People are constantly showing their twigs and berries, and there are boobies every where! And, Marc Athony! Don't even get me started on him!

The plot is good. But, seriously, I'm not gonna hide the fact that I watch it for the twigs and berries.

What the Hell of the Moment

What the hell is up with traffic cops?

I agree they are useful, at times. However, all of the traffic police I have seen lately aren't doing anything that the traffic lights don't already do.

When the light is green, they motion for you to go. When the light is red, they tell you to stop.

If you're gonna stand in the middle of the street with your white gloves, friggin' do something productive! What the hell! We've had traffic lights for years - it's not like we don't know that green means go and red means stop.

Watch me get hit by a car now.

"Black boys are delicious ..."

I took my neice to see "Stomp the Yard" yesterday. She is madly in love with Chris Brown, and I must say, after seeing this movie, I wouldn't think twice about pushing my neice to the ground to get to Mr. Brown. Hee, hee.

Chris Brown doesn't have a big role in the movie, but Columbus Short (the guy who plays his brother) does, and my, oh, my is he a cutie.

In fact all the cocoa mens is this movie were hot. The good guys. The bad guys. I didn't know whose side I was on! It was quite confusing.

Bottom line is, the movie was good. It had a good message. And, on a crass note, I wouldn't mind any one of them stomping my yard, so to speak. (I hope you like that one Sissy!)

PS: Chris Brown is cute. But doesn't he sort of remind you of Jim Carrey in "The Mask" when he smiles?

Cruisin' for a Bruisin'

This weekend my sisters (minus Tonya) and I went to a surprise baby shower for a friend. It was almost time for the guest of honor to arrive, but she was by no means right outside the door. Well, my sisters and I were in a corner conversing with another guest, and my sister Sissy laughed out loud ... nothing earth shattering, but she obviously enjoyed what was being said. From across the room another guest says, "Shhhhhhhhh!" Sissy and I made the ONLY eye contact, honey.

Um, did you just "shush" a grown ass woman? I think you did, and that isn't cute.

Listen, little girl (the guest was by no means a child, but she was definitely younger than Sissy and I), you don't "shush" a grown woman unless you want to be punched in the forehead. You do not know The Sisters well enough to "shush" us or even joke about shushing us. And, for your sake it better have been a joke.

Although, joke or not, your ass is on my list of "People I Don't Like from The Get." And, that is not a good place to be. That means from now on, until you prove otherwise, you will receive dirty looks, rolling of the eyes, and snickering from where ever I am located when I'm in the same vicinity as you. But that is not all! No sirree! If you are on my list, that means you are on my sisters lists by default. BOO YAH! It's over honey. And think, this is only for shushing one of us. Get it together girl ... get-it-together!

Pigeons

I was thinking, pigeons don't get enough credit.

They have masterminded this whole bird thing.

First, they deserve some respect for being like the only birds that stay up north during the winter. Pigeons are friggin' in NYC all year. Unlike other birds, pigeons must have some big cajones to do that.

Also, they aren't afraid of people any more. Those bitches will fly at you. Honey, it is you against them ... and until you are able to fly and shit on people's heads, I'm thinking they're gonna win.

Then you have to think about the fact that there are so many of them, yet they have tricked us into not hunting them or eating them. I mean, what the hell makes quail so special? Why do we eat those little birds, and not pigeons? I'll tell you why!

Pigeons have successfully created a public relations campaign to give themselves a bad image. Street Cred, if you will. Make people think you are nasty, scavaging, dirty, city pigeons and no one will mess with you. It's genius!

What the Hell of the Moment

What the hell is up with religiously-based email forwards?

I know you know what I'm talking about. Those emails that are 8 pages long, are typically some sappy story about being a good person and all that jazz, at the end it says to send the email to 500 of your friends, and if you don't it means you don't love Jesus.

Listen here, I'm pretty sure Jesus knows I love him without me having to bombard my friends' mailboxes with cacamamie stories and a side of guilt. No thanks. I get enough guilt-trips from my own family. Seriously, I can't have lunch with one sister without the other making some guilt-inducing comment. Plus, what if I don't have 500 friends? Am I doomed to go to hell because I don't have a big enough network to shout-out my love for the Big "J"?

I mean, seriously, do you really think when you're at the Pearly Gates Jesus is going to be like, "Umm, sorry Frank, you can't come in ... remember that email you got 25 years ago that said if you deleted it you didn't love me? Yeah well, it was for real. I hope you like the heat ... toodles."

Crush of the Moment

Cesar Millan aka The Dog Whisperer



At first I thought he was gay. I mean, any time I see a man that knows how to dress, is nicely groomed and has gel in his hair, I just assume. But to my surprise, Mr. Millan is straight, married and a father of two sons.

I don't know what it is, maybe all that "pack leader" mumbo-jumbo, but whenever The Dog Whisperer is on, I must watch it.

I try his techniques, but my dog Breeze just isn't ready to hear any of that crap. She just stares at me with her head titled to the left.

Happy New Year!

Happy 2007 every one!

I rang in the new year with my family yesterday, and boy was that fun. People got to my house about 12 hours before the ball dropped, so by midnight we couldn't stand the sight of one another.

Once 12am hit, people practically had their coats on when they went around to give each other kisses.

The night wasn't all bad. We played a board game, and I lost 5 minutes into it. And, we watched "Armageddon" - a movie about the end of the world ... just what I like to see 20 minutes before the new year is set to begin. Thanks STARZ channel.

Despite all this, I don't regret spending the last minutes of 2006, and the first minutes of 2007 with my fabulous family. One thing is for sure, we are never bored when we're together. Well, I can't speak for my father or my sisters' husbands, but I know the ladies aren't bored. And, let's face it, that's really all that matters.

Happy New Year!