Gather 'round kiddies, I'm going to tell you the tale of the city slicker who thought she could handle a weekend in the boonies of Syracuse.
The 5-hour journey began last Thursday, after I helped one of my bestest buddies, AJ, move his belongings into a minivan. SIDE NOTE: AJ, I don't think you need any more shoes ... ever. And, FYI to everyone, Hefty Force Flex bags aren't that impressive. Any who, we arrived in Baldwinsville (small town outside of Syracuse) at around 3am. Before heading to Grandma Bev's house, we went to the Bville version of PathMark ... P & C. I assume the letters stood for Punch and Cut, because the parking lot was almost pitch black, and ripe for a muggin'. AJ purchased contact solution, and then we headed to Grandma's.
Grandma's house, in a word, is big. And at night its big and scary. She has like 50 acres of woods! Woods, people! The only woods I know about are nicely located in the middle of Manhattan, aka Central Park. And, my woods conveniently come with a zoo and hot dog vendors. As soon as I get out of the car, I cling to AJ like a friggin' magnet. We get to the gargage door, and do you know what we find? THE DOOR IS UNLOCKED! What is up with country folk? They basically invite killers into their homes and bake them cookies. I don't know about you, but I read "In Cold Blood," so I know what happens in towns like this one. Needless to say, I slept with one eye open the entire night (which didn't matter because it was dark as hell in the room and I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face). Oh, and let me take this time to apologize to AJ for making him escort me everywhere in the scurry house.
The next day we went to AJ's mom's house. Um, it's huge, located next to a small cemetary, and I think they filmed the Drew Barrymore scene in "Scream," there. It was a cloudy day, and in the early evening it was foggy. When we hopped into the car to head to the mall, I looked around and was reminded of the poster for "The Exorcism of Emily Rose." Oh, hell no. How did I end up here? Where did I put my Xanax?
The following day, Grandma Bev made a huge lunch that caused Lisa (AJ's sister), AJ and me to fall into a three hour food-coma. We started laid out on the living room carpet, but miraculously woke up in recliners. Ahhh, the country life.
Later that night, when Lisa, AJ and I got back to their mother's house, AJ and Lisa had an idea: Get the mail. Let's discuss this idea. In the city, getting the mail is a simple task - just go down to the lobby. But, in B-ville it's not that simple. In the dark of night, we had to walk a little down the road to a mailbox located in front of a delapidated barn. Did I mention it was dark? There were stars for goodness sake! And, I heard insects. Not city insects ... country ones. I ran back to that house like I had a firecracker in my ass.
On Sunday afternoon I hopped on a train back to the city. I sat alone for about two stops, and then some old guy sat next to me and he wanted to talk and shit. Um, I have ear-buds on, what don't you understand? "No, I don't want any of the peanuts you just bought." "Yes, yes, it sure is a long ride." "No thank you, I don't need to know the last time you were on Amtrak." "Do I look like Big Ben? Then stop asking me for the time." I had to fake-sleep half the time.
Despite being scared shitless, I had a wonderful time in the 'Cuse with my buddy AJ. He's moving to Chicago in a few weeks, and I'm going to miss him like crazy. I love you AJ! One Mind.
