Rocky 6? Oh, come on!

Dude, seriously, why? What would possess you to make another Rocky movie? Isn't your wife's skin care line doing well on The Home Shopping Channel?

For the love of God, Rocky 5 was stretching it a bit! And, the only reason I watched it was because some of it was filmed in my neighborhood, and I kinda had a crush on your son, Sage.

I'm all for under-dog stories, who doesn't love those? But this is a "dig up a dead dog and 'Pet Sematary' it back to life" type of story. And, we all know what happened to the family cat, the little kid, and that guy's wife when they came back to life in the movie... it wasn't pretty.

Listen, I'm proud of you for being in your 60's and still having pecks and six-pack abs. Go you! But when Talia Shire doesn't agree to come back and play Adrian, and your real son doesn't sign on to play your son in the movie (and we all know he isn't busy, the last thing we saw him in was "Daylight") then I say that is a sign from above that you shouldn't make part 6. Rocky is a lovable character, he isn't Freddy Kruger ... let his ass go. Mickey and Apollo must be rolling in their graves!

And, why is Paulie still around? Wasn't it his fault you went bankrupt in part 5 and had to move back into the slums? Send him packing. But, bring back that robot thing from Rocky 4 ... that was hot.

I'll probably go to the theater to see the movie, but I swear, if there is a scene where your old ass is punching slabs of meat, I am so outta there.

Ta-Da!

This Thanksgiving holiday, David Blaine plans to wow us with his "magic" once again.

Apparently, he plans to remain shackled in a spinning ball thingee for a few days, and then he will attempt to de-shackle. All this, during a 2 day Target (Tar-Jay) sale. I guess Tar-Jay is sponsoring him or something. I'm more excited for the sale, really.

David, honey, spinning in a ball all shackled up is not magic. I know people who feel like they do that once they finally get their weekend hit of "E," and I ain't talking about the channel.

Don't get me wrong, you're good at what you do. But what you do is hold your breath, crash diet and pee through a catheter, not magic. I can hold my breath too .............................................................................................................. Oh damn, I almost blacked out. And half of Hollywood crash diets, but I won't name names ... [COUGH, Kate Bosworth, COUGH].

I kid, I kid. I wish you much luck on your new tricky. Perhaps I'll say hello to you when I'm taking advantage of the Tar-Jay sale.

PS: I love that whole "mysterious/sleepy" eye look you have going. It's very, "I come with a lot of childhood baggage, but I repress it and perform senseless acts for attention." It's hot.

Crush of the Moment

Spartacus from Lazy Town


In many ways, this crush of the moment is wrong ... very, very wrong. I was watching my nephew a few days ago and began searching channels for something interesting to watch with him. I found a show on some Nickelodeon channel called "Lazy Town," and I see a grown ass man with rock hard biceps trying to teach kids about teamwork.

Look at this guy! I don't know whether I should be applauding him for working with children, or checking to see if he's on a pedophile website. There is just something about grown men and kids that gives me the skeevies.

On another note, take off that friggin' floppy hat and that "I stuck my finger in an electric socket" mustache, and he's hot! Plus, I think his eyes are trying to tell me something in this picture ... this is weird. I'm going to stop now.

Fat Suits

Can someone please tell me why beautiful people on entertainment shows are still dressing up in fat-suits in order to show their viewers that big people are discriminated against?

The past few weeks I have seen both Maria Menounos and Vanessa Minnillo parade around in fat/ugly suits to prove that big and unattractive people aren't embraced by society. DUH!

Ladies, I realize you're trying to do your part for society and all, but please stop. We knew big and unattractive people were discriminated against before your skinny asses were born.

Plus, you do this segment every year, did you think people's perceptions were going to change? Hello! Plus, of course you weren't able to get into Hyde in a fat-suit ... Tara Reid couldn't even get in there.

On another note, is there a shortage of fat people or something? Why do you have to dress some skinny bitch up in a suit to prove discrimination? Why not just put a camera on an authentically large individual? Idiots. And why do they always dress them up in ugly clothes? Not all big people have bad style, geez. Did you ever think that maybe people are discriminating against you because your clothes look horrendous and your wig is bad?

What are you possibly gaining from this research Entertainment Tonight/Access Hollywood? The segment always ends with, "They were so mean to me, I almost cried," and that's it! What the hell! Give me something a little more profound, like how you want Hollywood to embrace real women. Don't waste my time with a skinny tart crying.

What the Hell of the Moment

I realize this is a very random "What the Hell?" but, it must be shared. Now that the holidays are coming, more and more Thomas Kinkade images are popping up.

We've all seen his work - little babbling brooks, with a cottage that has one light on, lighthouses in the distance, etc. The images are found in the form of mugs, commemorative plates, AVON products and such. My "What the Hell?" has to do with his paintings.

Are you aware that Kinkade-lovers pay top dollar for his paintings, and they aren't even originals ... and they know this! Trust me, I saw an expose on 60 Minutes!

Mr. Kinkade makes one real painting, and then his factory reprints them and sells them for hundreds of dollars. They even have galleries of reprinted paintings for patrons to purchase (say that 3 times fast!). Isn't a store filled with reprinted paintings called a poster shop, not a gallery? Dress it up with a nice frame all you want, it still doesn't take away from the fact that thousands of the same painting were created and when you want to sell your shit, it will be worth about a buck fitty.