What the Hell of the Moment

The picture to your left is Chanel's Inimitable (i-nim-i-tuh-buhl) mascara.

What the hell is up with a friggin' 5 syllable word to describe mascara?

It's mascara ... a liquid that makes eye lashes fat and long. It's not that serious. It does not require an SAT level word to describe it.

Not only is the mascara unaffordable, but thanks to the marketing geniuses at Chanel it's unpronounceable.

Mtv Video Music Awards

Last night the Mtv Video Music Awards aired, and I'm not even going to get into the travesty known as Britney Spears. Y'all saw it. I'm embarrassed for her. And, sadly I think we need to start "Countdown to 'Full-Blown' Meltdown" on this heifer.

What I am going to discuss is the apparent spat between crackies Tommy Lee and Kid Rock. Like a classic episode of Jerry Springer, two pieces of trash fought over a chick. The prize in this fight being Pamela Anderson. According to tabloids, Kid Rock slapped Tommy Lee on the face during the awards ceremony. Tommy complains that security got to him before he could defend himself ... yeah, okay.

Now, I've seen the Tommy and Pamela sex tape, and I really don't see the appeal these men feel for her. Sure she has a nice body and face (scratch that), she has a nice body. But bitch didn't do anything by lay there like a human pin cushion. I don't think she should get fought over for being a star-fish.

Does Pamela win in this situation? You give me the choice between Tommy Lee and Kid Rock, and I'm going to choose what's behind Door #3; whatever the hell that is.

Who am I kidding! I'm taking Tommy ... if you've seen the sex tape you'll know why. Momma didn't raise no fool.

Gimme More

I don't know who this bitch is in this picture, but they say it's Britney, so I'm posting it.

In case you haven't heard, Britney released a new single called, "Gimme More." And, I'll be the first to say that I like it. There, I said it.

Sure she's fucked up in the cabeza, and doesn't take care of her kids, but bitch can put out a good dance song. It's no "Toxic," but I'll take it.

As for Britney's ex-boyfriend, Justin Timberlake ... gimme less. Did y'all watch his HBO concert? It wasn't bad, but he ain't no Madonna. I'm not sure he can carry a concert on his own. Justin, I understand that you want to be portrayed as a mature gentleman. That's why you are always wearing a suit and tie. But, please, we want to see skin. Take it off! If I wanted to see a white man in a suit, I'd have lunch on Wall Street. Oh, and when you curse it's weird. You used to be in N'Sync, it just doesn't seem right.

Fully Recovered

Over a week ago, my best friend JohnPaul came to visit from Los Angeles. Oh, what a weekend it was! My liver hurts.

First, we all met at Benny's for dinner and drinks. It was also an opportunity to meet Raf's new "friend;" we shall call him Zeddy. Of course, any new friend is going to be analyzed by the group, that is just how it is. I was liking Zeddy, until he said that coke (and I'm not talking cola) is his weakness. Oh hell no. Chocolate is a weakness. Manolo Blahnik shoes are a weakness. Coke is an addiction, honey. And, FYI, denial is the first step, so congrats on meeting a milestone. Any way, from that point on I was trying to get Raf's attention by giving him the "death ray" stare. But, it was to no avail. In any case, a spot in my heart warmed up for Zeddy when he paid for dinner, and my drinks for the rest of the night.

Without going into too much detail about what happened later that night, suffice it to say that Raf needed to talk to someone badly in the morning. So what did he do? He texted (is that a word?) me from 5:30am until 9am about going to the beach, claiming he needed a friend. Please, he just didn't want to go to the nudie beach alone. He told me if I wanted to leave the beach as soon as we got there, then we would leave. Lies! We went to his mom's house first, and she packed enough food for us to camp on the beach for a week. I was a prisoner in Long Island!

We got to the beach, and planted ourselves next to a group of Raf's beach friends. My vagina was shy, so I didn't go nude this time. But the ta-tas were fine, so they were out and about. The waves were treacherous, and since I didn't want a repeat performance of my last nudie beach visit (stop laughing Raf), I decided to stay away from the ocean. But, no. One of Raf's friends apparently worked for the Atlantic Ocean Association and kept insisting that we go in the water. Every time we moved he was like, "Are you going in? Are you going in?" No bitch, I'm not going in! Now take your twig and berries and get the hell away from me! Luckily I got home (6 hours later) without a sunburn ... hooray for SPF 50!

Sunday afternoon it was brunch time at one of our favorite places. Truth be told, any place that keeps the liquor coming is a favorite of ours. Any way, we laughed, we drank, we talked, we drank, we cried from laughter, and we drank some more. It was fabulous. Then we left the restaurant, and went to Diana's to drink (see picture above). Speaking of that picture, Deni, why do you have your hand on my ankle? I wasn't going to go any where. Possessive much?

Alas, JP had to leave us on Monday, and after I got over my hangover, I was sad. Not sure if it was because I was sober, or because JP left NYC. Just kidding JP! You know from the message I left on your voicemail that I was missing you from the moment I left you in a drunken stupor on Diana's couch.

As is customary when JP visits, I had a wonderful time (from what I can remember). I can't wait until December! We are going to ring in the New Year like never before!!! Love you!!

Isn't It Ironic?

On my bus ride to work this morning I noticed a wall of a brick building that was spray painted with a picture of the Earth, and a message about treating the planet well.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't spray paint have a crazy amount of chemicals that harm the planet?

Of course we have to treat the Earth better, now that your spray paint put a new friggin' hole in the O-Zone. Thanks.