Headline

During my lunch minute at work I like to visit CNN.com to get an update on the news, and because its the only website that isn't blocked by my job's computer system.

I was skimming through the headlines, and saw this one mixed in with the usual murders and political news - "100-foot deep Andes lake disappears." Uh, what?!

So, I click on the link, and this is the first sentence:

"SANTIAGO, Chile (AP) -- A five-acre glacial lake in Chile's southern Andes has disappeared -- and scientists want to know why." No shit.

Can someone explain to me how a body of water disappears and this isn't headline news? Was it on the CNN crawl? I haven't seen anything mentioned all night on the news channels.

How friggin' careless about the environment are we that nature can disappear and we just shrug it off as if Britney showed her hoo-haa again?

You know who should be the most pissed? The couple that thinks they just bought lakeside property. Come move-in day ... Where's the f--king lake!

Dear Joan

Dear Joan,

I hate to break it to you, but it's 2007, not 1985, and frosted pink lipstick is not in style any more.

I realize it worked on Knots Landing, but you've been rocking the same lipcolor for decades, and I ask that you please stop.

You are a beautiful woman, don't let the other sexpots from the 1980s get all the camera time (especially that bitch Victoria Principal! She is looking fantastic, and bringing in the dough with her skin care line).

You're fab, just follow the rule that your lips should not be the same color as your skin, and you'll be fine.

The Name Game

One of my nephews has a prom coming up, and his date's name is ... well, let's just say for her next birthday her parents should just get her a pole.

I'm sure she's a nice girl. But, what is up with parents naming their kids, especially their daughters, names that belong on the marquee at Scores?

Girls already have a bad rep, especially blondes, when it comes to intelligence. Naming your daughter Bambi isn't going to help her get taken seriously on job interviews.

I'm not leaving any one out here. There are parents that name their kids with names that are meant for grandparents. Have you ever seen a popular kindergartener named Harriet? I rest my case.

Parents, think about what you're gonna do to your unborn children. Think before you name. The only people that can carelessly name their children are celebrities, and if you're reading my blog, chances are you're not a celebrity.

Reality Shows

I love "So You Think You Can Dance." Not just because there are lots of young, sweaty man-boys writhing on stage, undulating their bodies and questioning their sexuality. Not at all. What I appreciate is the fact that the judges are relative nobodies in Hollywood that actually know what they are talking about.

I'm tired of shows like American Idol and America's Got Talent with judges that wouldn't know talent if it kicked them in the winky. Well, except for Paula, I love me some "Cold Hearted Snake." And anyone who says they didn't rock to "Straight Up," or watch the video for "Rush, Rush" over and over sits on a throne of lies. Lies I say!

The judges on "So You Think You Can Dance" are actually dancer/choreographers, so they know what's up. Except for the English dude, who is he? Is it a prerequisite to have an English guy on the judges panel?

Kyle XY

I'm sure you have seen the posters/advertisements for the show "Kyle XY." I've never watched the show, you know why? Because it takes more than a picture of a confused guy without a belly button to get me to watch a show.

A missing belly button, really? Is that supposed to pique my interest? How about a missing leg? Have you ever met Johnny One Leg? Well, I have. And, boy does he have some stories.

Crush of the Moment

Craig. Daniel Craig.

I realize that I'm 20 years late in watching "Casino Royale," the latest James Bond flick. But, I was never a 007 enthusiast. However, things change.

Daniel Craig is hot. I throughly enjoyed watching him use his big gun.

And, really, is there anything better than a man in tailored clothes? I think not.

If you're looking for a new Bond Girl, I'm right here. My name can be: Coco Nutts, or Sandy Syphillis (guess what my weapon is).